I'm a quitter

I quit Weight Watchers. Again.

I started in February after finally getting SO convicted on how my weight was impacting my health. I was gung ho. I subscribed to WW magazine, tracked my points online. Mourned the foods that I was no longer able to eat (though with WW there's nothing you can't eat..you just have to make the points work.)

The weight started to come off. All in all I lost 19 lbs. I can fit into clothes I haven't worn for a while and feel more comfortable in my skin.

And then life happened.. In June we had a steady stream of visitors until Ben's birthday. I tried my best to eat healthy when we went out. But I can't avoid the desserts!

Eating is such a struggle for me. I love the comfort of something that tastes good. I love everything about food..the smell, the taste, the texture. I even love grocery shopping. There's something about the smell of the store..the searching the aisles for new items.

I also love cooking, which I must have inherited from my father. It's the only "crafty" thing I can do. I don't make anything fancy, but I don't have too many complaints from my husband. I have made a few clunkers..but that's part of the fun. My recipes board on Pinterest is overflowing with things I'd like to make (but probably never will get around to doing them).

I feel like when I have a hard day having something decadent is a reward earned. I realize that this is a completely unhealthy view of food, but I don't know how to change it. I've resigned that I will never be one of those people (like my husband) that sees food as only fuel.

It's my vice. I don't smoke, do drugs and rarely drink anymore.

So after a full month of avoiding my scale, or even worse..stepping on it with one eye covered..I've given up. I just don't have the mojo to keep counting points. I want to. I need to. I just feel like all my energy right now if being funneled into other things (like running from work to therapy appointments and wrestling a kid to get him to brush his teeth).

So I'm publicly telling you that I'm a quitter. Maybe the embarassement of it all will be enough to get me going again. Maybe I'll get around to it next month.

If you have any low fat recipes..please feel free to share them with me! Or maybe if you do any workout videos on Netflix that wont kill a really out of shape person..please let me know what they are.

I'm on overload

We have had SO much going on since Ben started school. Last week finished up week 3 of Kindergarten, and it was the first week that he made it through an entire week of school without coming home sick. (but just barely). He has been a sponge for every free floating bacteria that has been around.

Week 1- he had the stomach flu. He woke up crying (which is not normal) and like a fool I gave him juice even after he first refused it. Thankfully he had it come back up before we took him to school.

Week 2- still not feeling great. Came home early that Friday because he wasn't eating and was listless. I got home and he instantly perked up and became and eating machine. I think he played me.

Week 3- voice started going and could tell that he was really really phleggmy. Behavior has been off the charts. I made the hard call of giving him Bromfed to ease the congestion, but it made him irritable and I got hit *A LOT* . He would be happily watching the Ipad, and then dart across the room just to hit me and then return back to the ipad. I'm pretty sure this was an attention seeking behavior. I'm not even sure what I could have done more. By the end of last night he'd lost the privilege to play with any of his trains and the use of the ipad. He also had a horrible transition from his ST to his OT. She's a wonderful lady with the patience of Job (thank God). But at one point he hit her in the face. I can't tell you how mortifying that is. And it took every ounce of my being to not jerk him out of there and get swiftly spanked.

Let's hope week 4 starts out a little better. I did warn his teacher about the aggression. And thankfully I'm meeting with his behavioral therapist today to see what more we can do.

He's such a sweet child most of the time. But I'm sure that being sick, and not being able to communicate how you feel..your wants..your needs has got to be incredibly frustrating!!

Somehow I've managed to not get sick Oh lord I've probably just cursed us!  I just want us to get into a more normal routine. Maybe this will be our week!  And if not..we'll just keep working til it is..that's all I can do, right??

Transition week

Today is B's last day of daycare/preschool. I was sad just walking in there this morning. Over the last year and a half I feel like I've been the one that's made friends. They have been my allies. They've listened to me vent. They have helped B improve his skills. They care about him and us as a unit. That's how it's supposed to work, right? I feel that these women aren't there to just collect paychecks. They really have invested in each child.

Tomorrow starts our real journey into public school. No more preschool without grades. It's the big league now. I know that I'm more nervous than B is. In fact, I'm pretty sure that he doesn't even realize that this is the beginning of the next 13 years of his life. He just knows that his school is a fun place. Filled with distractions before the bus comes to get him or Mommy arrives in the car rider line.

I'm really hoping that these new people will bond with him..the way that his daycare did. I don't expect them to love him as much as if they were his own. But I want them to want him to succeed. I want them to want more for him..to achieve new independence. I know I'm hoping for a lot here.

So please keep us in your prayers that the next week goes well. We still have a lot of new transitions: 2 new therapists, new therapy appointment times (which means a change in my work schedule), and possibly adding medication into the mix in the future.